Goodbye to "One Peculiar Christian . . ."

The two or three of you who read this blog at least weekly, know that I spent two years trying to get myself ready both emotionally and spiritually for my 50th birthday. I began to understand in my spirit about two years ago, that something profound was going to happen to me when I turned 50.

Well, for once . . . I got it right!

This one year of my life has been a watershed of emotional, physical, relational and spiritual healing in my life. I am not not the same person I was back on May 7th, 2007, when I turned 50. And this is not so much about "finally growing up," as some have suggested . . . as it has been my "going back" to heal and take care of my inner and adolescent child.

For the first time in a very, very long time . . . this individual and unique child of God likes himself very much. For many years, that has not always been the reality of how I felt about myself.

Now, however . . . the smile I wear on my face is the real me . . . not some "pretend" me that has to look happy in order for other people to be happy. My "dreams-about-life" are back, and I am happy to report . . . that I still have time to reach for most of them.

I prayed that when I turned 50, I would discover again "who and whose" I really am, and to discover again my calling, or what I like to call . . . my life dream. And that picture / reality is becoming more clear every day.

In the process . . . I seem to be getting physically healthier. I have said goodbye to a lot of unfruitful activities. I have become more focused again on things that are truly important to me . . .

-My relationshipship with God / Bible study / being a Christian servant-leader
-My family (oh how they are a blessing to me. Finally my eyes are open!)
-My friends . . . (and that list continues to grow)
-Singing and Guitar playing
-Walking / Hiking
-Fishing

If it isn't on this list . . . I have basically lost all interest in it. And, I can tell that to you honestly and politely . . . I guess the truth "is" setting me free.

As a result . . . it is time to say goodbye to the part of my life that I have always thought was "peculiar." In and of itself . . . "peculiar" is a great word. However, I really think I was using it as a way of putting myself down . . . because I didn't really like myself.

In addition, when people ask me how I am doing, I am trying to refrain from saying "Better than I deserve." I think I was also using that phrase in a way that was meant to tear me down as well.

I think . . . I spent a lot of time not liking myself. Unhealed hurt from earlier in life will do that to you.

That part of my life is over now. I have changed. And I like the change.

What I do know about myself is this . . . most all of life itself has become and adventure for me again! Dreams I dreamed in the past are waking up inside me again. I am embracing who I am as a child-of-God. I am embracing my gifts and graces. I am embracing my dreams and my call.

What lies next ahead on the road? I don't know . . . but I know it will be an adventure, whatever it is, with whomever I travel with on a particular path.

Ever forward . . . ><>