Friday, July 10, 2009

Disney's "The Kid" . . .

Spent some time this morning watching Disney's "The Kid."   

It's one of my favorite movies.  Not because of how great a movie it is, but rather because of what it means to me.  I very much identify with Russ, the character played by Bruce Willis.

In truth, I am a man who gave up childhood dreams in an attempt to please and gain the support of others.  

Over the years, many of the people I admire most are those who pursued their childhood passions, despite the criticism of others, and achieved a sense of satisfaction and joy in life not experienced by many.   I chose that the need for acceptance and validation from others was more important than developing the personal discipline to pursue my dream . . . my real calling.

I do regret making that decision.  It was the wrong decision.  I can see that clearly now.  I am glad, however, that I have some time, wisdom and maturity on my side . . . and I know there is still time for a dream or two.

I shared several years ago the journey I took as I struggled dealing with the approach of my 50th birthday.  Now, two years later, I find that I have more easily allowed myself to identify and address the things in my life I love the most . . . my passions . . . a couple which relate to my childhood and adolescence.   The last two years have been a time of reflection . . . reflection which includes pain and remorse about past decisions, but also reflecting on a sense of personal recovery . . . as I find myself gaining strength in my understanding of what is most important to me . . . knowing who I am and what I am.

My personal and life mission has become more clear . . . and focused.   There are still a few things I want to do, and it looks like one of them may materialize in 2010.   My list of things I can say "no" to grows and grows.  The distractions are still there, those things that would try to take me away from my understanding how I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." But as I continue gaining a clearer understanding of where my focus and interest lies . . . and the reasons why, I find saying not to the distractions becomes easier and easier.  Distraction which in the past could pull me away from my path  . . . they no longer have any effect on me.  Some distraction . . . still . . . are a struggle.  But saying to them comes easier.

Regrets?  Sure . . . a bunch of them.   Most especially I regret not telling certain people in my childhood, adolescence and early adulthood these three words. . . "It's MY life!"   But then, back then I wasn't strong enough to do that.  Today, I am.

God's grace still amazes me . . . ><>

 

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