It is simply a conspiracy . . .

It is a conspiracy! And I don't like it.

The auxillary volunteers at all our area hospitals are out to get me! It's true!

Maybe I should explain . . .

I am on this diet . . . and have lost 20 pounds. The secret is eating foods with lower natural carbs. So, nothing white, except caulifower. No bread, no cereal, not potatoes, no rice, no pizza, no cookies . . . nothing with sugar . . .

It's OK really, it is not that bad. Why? Because my taste buds seem to have come alive!!!!

I actually can't believe that I am writing this . . . but I now love tomatoes!!! If you know me, then you know that the only reason I order a hamburger with tomatoe is to be able to pick the tomatoes off and throw them with glee into the trash.

Dirty little buggers! Only wimps eat tomatoes, right???

Ah, attention world . . . I don't think like that any more!

And green beans! Have green beans always tasted this good? I thought green beans were God's idea of a bad joke (but no, that designation is reserved for iceberg lettuce). My wife and I went to a local Spring Creek Bar-B-Que restaurant. I got the smoked chicken half and a plate full of green beans.

My first bite of the green beans . . . I just looked at my wife and nearly shouted . . . "Gaaawwdddddd . . . these are the best green beans I have ever eaten in my entire life!"

"Hey, can I get some more green beans over here?"

I thought my wife would think I was crazy . . . but then she knew I hadn't tried the chicken yet.

I took my first bite of chicken . . . and I moaned loudly and slumped down in my chair. The girl carrying the bread basket around to all the tables quickly ran over and asked if we needed to call "9-1-1."

My wife says, "No . . . he is just enjoying the chicken."

I was in tears . . . I saw a clearer glimpse of Heaven (or was it Paradise?) with every bite. I kept hearing God's vioce . . . "Boy, I don't make no junk! So eat up!"

I relished every single bite. I even started to giggle.

Are your senses always supposed to come alive like that when you go on a diet? I mean, I've lost some weight, but I am still a very big Texas boy! But I was giggling . . . that chicken tasted so good. I think all the cooks there love me now. "Oh look, here comes the guy who giggles because our food is so good!"

You don't want to know what happened when we went last week to I-Hop and I ordered the Colorado omlette. I think I tranced out and spoke in tongues . . . but my wife won't talk to me about it.

Yes, eating an omlette (a healthy omlette) was a religious experience.

Now, back the the conspiracy . . . I thought it was only my taste buds . . . but my sense of smell has also been affected.

And . . . what do you smell when you first enter a hospital (at least in our area)???? I will tell you what you will smell . . . Auxillary Volunteer Hospital POPCORN! Holy stinking cow! Has hospital popcorn always smelled that wonderful. Is there any other smell on the face of God's great earth better than hospital popcorn????? I mean, smelling hospital popcorn just has to be the cure for many of the diseases in the world, right?

I doubt the hospital volunteers like it much when I walk by holding my breath and cross my fingers making the the sign of the cross . . . oh, it smells so good . . . but I can't have it.

It is a conspiracy I tell you!

But . . . so far I haven't succumbed yet . . . and don't plan to.

20 pounds now . . . but soon it will be 25 pounds . . . and something else good for me is going to start tasting and smelling equally as well.

I can deal with that!

I'm better than I deserve! ><>